


---stitches sewn over broken bones

by charliebxrnes



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Crying, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lots of Crying, M/M, Suicide Attempt, i guess this takes place in 2012 so the fact that it's fluffy dan makes me cry, im sorry if you cry, this is fucking sad but im kinda proud of it so here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 03:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliebxrnes/pseuds/charliebxrnes
Summary: triggers in the tags. this is a mess.





	---stitches sewn over broken bones

**Author's Note:**

> reminder that im bad at titles
> 
> this took me like,, three hours to write and it's not that bad i guess
> 
> sorry this is so depressing idk what came over me.
> 
> also the title is from 'more stately mansions' by charlie barnes. y'all from twitter know im a charlie barnes ho.

It was one of those days.

 

Sure, nothing went wrong today, it was just like every day.

 

But the constant mental torment broke him apart.

 

Dan has been like this for weeks, now. No one had noticed, thankfully, because he really didn't want anyone to know. He was just sad, and this would pass quietly like any other time.

 

Yet this time was different.

 

The struggle was harder. The overthinking and the pressure of everything around him was slowly starting to dig into him and pierce his skin.

 

Much like the blades he had last week.

 

He couldn’t really bear it anymore. It was just exhausting and it felt like that’s all he lived for. Of course, there was his music, but he’d never get anywhere with that. No matter how many times his band said they believed in him, he just couldn’t feel it sink in.

 

Getting his hopes up was absolutely worthless. Even with Kyle by his side for when the anxiety would bring him to tears or when he just needed a breath of fresh air, nothing helped him.

 

Kyle was probably annoyed with having to do that, anyway.

 

So what could stop him from just letting himself turn out the lights?

 

With that on his mind, he let out a sigh. He was sitting on his small bed in the middle of his less-than-middle-sized apartment in the busy area of central London. It was decently sized for one person, but it felt like the walls were squeezing all of the air out of him.

 

He had a balcony, but he rarely went out there. Maybe for the occasional cigarette to still his shaking hands when his mind got to him a little too much, but never really for his own sake. Since every time he went out there for a breath of fresh air he just thought about jumping off of it and stopping those walls from strangling him each passing day.

 

It didn’t help that the walls were a dirty shade of white. Every morning that he’d open his eyes, he’d just see the white ceiling above him. He would shiver from time to time, since his heater had gone out and he just couldn’t bring himself to find someone to fix it.

 

Or maybe he was just thinking that because he knew he deserved to be cold.

 

Dan deserved the bad things. He knew he did. It was the world and the belief of fate telling him that he was wrong. That he should give up. He almost had, so many times.

 

But this time would be the time he finally did.

 

He was sat on his bed, knees brought up to his chest and his hands behind his head. He was staring at the floor, which had a length of rope resting on top of a small, patterned rug Dan had got the day he moved in.

 

It was a boring little rug, and he was happy that he wouldn’t be able to see it anymore.

 

With shaky legs, Dan slowly stood up from the bed, making his way over to the rope on the floor. He bent down and mindlessly picked it up, the rough material biting at the smooth skin of his hands. He let out a long breath, staring at it with darkened eyes.

 

He deserved this.

 

No one would care if he was gone. He was just an annoying mess that dragged three, perfectly normal people into his life for his own sake. He was so selfish to think that they would enjoy being in a band, playing his stupid songs that weren’t even good. He was stupid to think that one of them would like him back for his own selfish desires.

 

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

 

He doubted that anyone had noticed where he’s been the past few days. Hell, they were probably even _thankful_ that he wasn’t around.

 

Just a burden, he was.

 

With tears streaming down his cheeks, he finally finished tying the rope to his ceiling fan. He’d finally be gone for good. Finally no one had to deal with him anymore. He wouldn’t be a waste of the world’s oxygen, nor would he be a waste of anyone’s breath.

 

He could finally get out of his mental prison.

 

He pulled up a small stepping stool that he used to retrieve books and DVDs from his shelves in the living room, and set it right beneath the rope.

 

It slightly swung back and forth like a pendulum in a clock, beckoning Dan to slide his neck into the noose and kick the stool away. And it was working.

 

As if he was hypnotized, Dan took small steps toward the welcoming rope, stepping onto the stool and working the rope around his neck.

 

With one last breath, he let out a sob and kicked away the stool, all of his breath being cut off for the last time.

 

But that’s when there was a knock on his door.

 

He panicked inside, but it quickly went away. He would be gone in a matter of moments, there was no reason to worry about whoever the fuck was at his door. It could just be the mailman telling him that his mail was here. It didn’t matter.

 

“Dan?” Rang a voice, and… it was _Kyle’s_ voice.

 

The words _oh no_ ran through Dan’s head faster than the speed of light, and he was already starting to fade away.

 

Why is Kyle here? Why can’t he just go away? Why can’t Dan just die in peace?

 

That’s when the rope snapped.

 

Dan collapsed onto the floor with a loud thud, and he let out a small cry as he crumpled up into a ball on the floor. He couldn’t breathe, and his neck burned so bad that it felt like it was bleeding.

 

He heard his door bang open and Dan wanted to just disappear. He was letting out labored sobs as he stared at the broken rope hanging from his fan. He could see that it was, in fact, Kyle when he came into his peripheral in the doorway.

 

Dan couldn’t even move, and his breathing was pained and raspy. He didn’t want to be breathing at all. He just wanted to die.

 

“Dan.. what the actual fuck…” Kyle said, he was now kneeling beside Dan, picking him up so that he rested on his legs. Dan just looked over to Kyle, his blue eyes dark and red with the thousands of tears that were spilled during that day. He felt embarrassed. Kyle of all people shouldn’t have to see him like this.

 

“I just… came to see if you were okay because, well… you haven’t talked to us in a f-few days and.. then I heard… I… Why?” Kyle stuttered, holding Dan close in his arms. Dan felt rather warm there, finally breaking the cold of his room to pieces. “I… never thought you’d do this… I never thought this would happen...What did I do wrong?”

 

Dan just took in a deep, raspy breath, slowly moving his frail arms to wrap around Kyle’s waist. He felt so, _so_ comfortable there. He didn’t deserve this at all. He was supposed to be in pain, he was supposed to suffer. Why is he getting this all of a sudden?

 

“It…” Dan said, struggling to get the word out. “It wasn’t… you.” He let out another sob with that, weakly grasping onto Kyle’s soft, warm sweater. He smelled nice and comforting, which was a stark contrast to what Dan was. Dan was just broken and cold. He could never be with someone like Kyle.

 

“What was it, then, Dan?” Kyle asked, his voice becoming much softer. He was holding Dan so tightly… “What the hell brought you to thinking that this was okay?”

 

The quivering of Kyle’s voice was noticeable. This wasn’t easy for Kyle, was it? Why? Didn’t he hate Dan?

 

“I.. don’t… know…” Dan choked, biting his lip and resting his forehead against Kyle’s shoulder. Crying after trying to hang himself wasn’t too easy, and he could hardly breathe at all, nonetheless speak. “I just… couldn’t take it anymore.” His voice was cut off with a hitch after each word, and he sounded so pathetic. He wished the rope hadn’t snapped.

 

Kyle sighed, his arms tucking under Dan so that he could pick up the smaller boy, taking them off of the floor and onto Dan’s bed, where Kyle sat down and held Dan impossibly closer. “Take a breath, babes.” He had mumbled, his lips being pressed up against Dan’s head.

 

That’s when Dan broke. He broke down and melted into Kyle’s warm and comforting embrace, tencing and coughing every time he tried to take a breath. Kyle’s hands kept moving up and down his back, soothing his hitching breaths and broken sobs until they were nothing but trembling breaths.

 

Everything he had held back for so long was out, all of it. All presented upfront for Kyle to see. As much as Dan hated to have Kyle see him like this, he was thankful that he was here. He actually cared and… that went against everything Dan’s mind had told him.

 

As soon as Dan was able to breathe again, he brought his head up to finally look at Kyle. His eyes and cheeks were red and tear-streaked, yet he was smiling.

 

“Why are you.. Smiling?” Dan asked, wiping the tears from his eyes before looking up at Kyle again.

 

To Dan’s surprise, Kyle’s smile widened. “Because I get to look at you.” He said softly, rubbing his thumbs up and down Dan’s spine.

 

“Why would that… Be a good thing?” Dan asked, casting his eyes down. “I’m just.. A mess. You literally walked in on me trying to kill myself.”

 

Kyle let out a small chuckle, which made Dan slightly nervous. “Well… I’m happy that I’m looking at you instead of your corpse, Danny.” He said, his smile falling slightly. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

 

Dan shook his head slightly, leaning forward so his head was resting against Kyle’s chest. He did it delicately and slowly, as if Kyle was made of glass. “Not now…”

 

“That’s okay.” Kyle sighed, wrapping his arms tightly around Dan once more and resting his chin atop his head.

 

They sat like that for a long while, so long that Dan had actually passed out in Kyle’s arms. He was so peaceful, even though the comforting silence was broken from time to time with the occasional hitch in Dan’s breath. The room felt tranquil, until Kyle’s eyes fell upon the broken noose hanging in the middle of the room. Its presence was haunting, and it gave off a dark aura that made Kyle feel sick to his stomach.

 

While trying his best not to wake Dan, he shifted so that he could lay Dan down onto the bed, making a quiet promise that he would join back in a moment as he stood up. He pulled back the small stool so that he could reach up to the neck of the ceiling fan, untying the thick and rough rope from it so it could fall to the floor. He looked at it with glossy eyes and picked it up, carrying it out in the cold air on Dan’s balcony and throwing it off into the empty alleyway below.

 

With a small sigh, he walked back inside, making his way back into Dan’s room and taking off his shoes before he got into the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around the smaller man. He let out a small sob and buried his face in Dan’s shoulder, taking in his scent and his warmth. He tried to ignore the haunting bruise and rope burn around Dan’s neck and screwed his eyes shut.

 

He pressed his lips to Dan’s soft neck, hoping that it could heal the marks and fade them away from existence immediately. Though he knew that wouldn’t work, but he did know that Dan didn’t deserve those marks, nor the ones on his wrists. He was too talented and too pretty and too good of a person to have anything like this happen to him

 

Kyle was so thankful he had gotten there when he did. He nearly lost the love of his life today.

 

He slowly sighed with that thought, nervously moving himself down so the side of his head was pressed up against Dan’s back. He found comfort in hearing his breathing, even if it was slightly uneven, and even his heartbeat.

 

If only Dan knew how much he meant to him. If only he knew what would have happened if his attempt was successful. If only he knew how broken Kyle would be without him.

 

If only he knew that he gave Kyle a purpose.

**Author's Note:**

> reminder that im bad at endings, too


End file.
